Supreme Badness: A Primer

As many of you know, I believe that the worst song on earth has already been created and lives quietly among us on Youtube and twelve-year-old girls' iPods, going by the alias of "Sneakernight."


This song (and accompanying music video) has so long been the standard of supreme badness to me ("Basically what we're gonna do is dance! Basically what we're gonna do is dance!") that other bad music videos seem masterful by comparison. In fact, I can really get into an overdone music video. However my tolerance for this was pushed to its limit by Ciara's new video*:



The entire video is premised on the irony that Ciara is singing "ride the beat" when she is clearly pantomiming the riding of something else. The makers of this video worried that this dramaturgical technique might be lost on some viewers. Ultimately Ciara has to ride a mechanical bull in a soaking white shirt, while the video director stands behind her screaming, "IT MEANS RIDE IN A SEXUAL WAY!"

It reminded me of the great cinematic tradition of overdone videos, and I began to wonder: if Sneakernight is undisputably the worst video of all time, what's the most overdone? I know one that might give "Ride" some competition...



The best comment underneath this video reads: "cher is an amazing singer. We need more singers like her and not songs that we have right now like rap." Ummmmmmmmm.

*In the interest of maintaining blogger integrity, I hereby confess that I am a Ciara fan.

Treehugging

Some time ago, while taking pictures in Central Park with some co-conspirators, I became criminally excited about the idea of taking a picture in which we were all standing behind a tree, but leaning out so you could see our heads. In my mind, this was an established genre of photograph that I wanted to be a part of. My "co-conspirators" told me this was the stupidest idea ever. I think you know what I thought then:



Then when I went to write this indignant post, there was absolutely no phrase I could google to find you an example of this type of pose. When I Googled....

"picture people behind tree", I got:



"four people leaning out from behind a tree" resulted in:



"friends behind tree photo" came a little closer:


(but still unforgivably lamer than my original vision.)

and "posed picture behind tree" bordered on the pornographic.


So I decided to draw an example for you in Paint:


(And it was my first time using Paint! Can you believe it?)

Now that you have some idea of the magic I had in mind, here is how our picture came out (faces have been obscured with Paint to protect the innocent):



I believe the internet phrase for this would be "Tree Photo FAIL."

My Boyfriend's a Lot Like This Man

When we saw Stevie in concert, he played two different pianos at the same time. But even that was not more badass than this Sesame Street performance.