YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS*
I spent the whole trailer doing a fake voiceover in my head of what Cher must have been thinking. She's like, "Fuck your grating ability to hold a five-minute note in your quarter-pint lungs, do you have a horse? Are you sitting on a fucking horse? Did someone lower you from the sky on a fucking chandelier? No? No? Fuck yo couch."
*My keyboard will short out if I use a realistic amount of "S"s here.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Misoverheard in Roanoke
What the woman actually said:
"So I was well into adulthood before I tried okra for the first time."
What I heard:
"So I was well into adulthood before I tried Oprah for the first time."
"So I was well into adulthood before I tried okra for the first time."
What I heard:
"So I was well into adulthood before I tried Oprah for the first time."
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Things I'm So Excited For I May Pee
1. My Halloween costume/POTENTIAL HAIRCUT???
Such a true disciple of the Haters Gonna Hate mentality.
2. C's birthday this Saturday!
[C's future, via The Sartorialist]
3. Culmination of my life, arriving in theatres November 19th!
Judging from the poster, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will actually be a zombie movie. Which I have to admit might be slightly more exciting than a faithful adaptation of the book, i.e. Harry Potter Goes Camping for Eight Chapters. Either way, I'll be there. Already crying. Yes!
Such a true disciple of the Haters Gonna Hate mentality.
2. C's birthday this Saturday!
[C's future, via The Sartorialist]
3. Culmination of my life, arriving in theatres November 19th!
Judging from the poster, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will actually be a zombie movie. Which I have to admit might be slightly more exciting than a faithful adaptation of the book, i.e. Harry Potter Goes Camping for Eight Chapters. Either way, I'll be there. Already crying. Yes!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
On the Virg
Things They Have in Virginia:
MUSHROOMS THAT LOOK JUST LIKE YELLOW BASTARD.
I know. It terrified me to even draw near to this mushroom. But nothing could have prepared me for what came next.
What is it? A bumblebee-hummingbird-horse? OK, I won't lie, I got this close to it because from the path I kind of... thought it might be... a Snitch. OK? There. You got me.
In other news, I continue to nest both in Virginia and North Carolina. Here is my writing nook in NC:
Christian's barista skills have not been going to waste. Yes, that's cold-brewed coffee. (But I still miss Petsi's.)
Things They Have in North Carolina: this man. How I desire to buy his portrait and invite him into our home. But he was the price of over 85 Ramens. Worth it???
MUSHROOMS THAT LOOK JUST LIKE YELLOW BASTARD.
I know. It terrified me to even draw near to this mushroom. But nothing could have prepared me for what came next.
What is it? A bumblebee-hummingbird-horse? OK, I won't lie, I got this close to it because from the path I kind of... thought it might be... a Snitch. OK? There. You got me.
In other news, I continue to nest both in Virginia and North Carolina. Here is my writing nook in NC:
Christian's barista skills have not been going to waste. Yes, that's cold-brewed coffee. (But I still miss Petsi's.)
Things They Have in North Carolina: this man. How I desire to buy his portrait and invite him into our home. But he was the price of over 85 Ramens. Worth it???
Friday, October 8, 2010
A Smorgasbord of Delights
Everything I should have posted one at a time over the past few weeks will now be posted in an orgy of a single post. Mmm...gluttony.
The Top Three Things On My Mind are as follows.
1) I was talking to someone in my program about “research” for the topics we want to write about -- that is, if you want to write a memoir about traveling, you’d read as many travel memoirs as you could and get a sense of the genre. I have discovered in my research that the “funeral home lit” genre is sparse. So I expanded into cinema and here’s what I came up with:
Hmmmm...
2) Today I asked myself the question, "What would I do to be able to travel back and time and be one of Otis Redding’s back up dancers?"
"I would kill a man" was not a good enough answer for me, so I turned to my favorite source of information about the limits of human depravity...the website “What Would You Do to Get With Justin Bieber?” IT HAS BEEN (TRAGICALLY) (AND HILARIOUSLY) DELETED! I guess comments like "I would bake my arm in the oven until it was as crispy as chicken then eat it" was just too much for people.
3) I keep thinking maybe I could use this blog to write enlightening book reviews or share some social commentary but then I realize I just want to be able to tell you all stories like this one, i.e. a recent example of the game of Telephone that is my mind: I once read a review of a “sodomy memoir” (what…that’s not an established genre?) by a former ballerina about how anal sex had taught her to let go and get closer to God. The memoir’s title was Surrender. Later, when I was trying to remember this title to tell someone about it, I remembered that “it was one word, and it had some spiritual double meaning…like, Filled.” WOMP WOMP WOOOOMP.
The Top Three Things On My Mind are as follows.
1) I was talking to someone in my program about “research” for the topics we want to write about -- that is, if you want to write a memoir about traveling, you’d read as many travel memoirs as you could and get a sense of the genre. I have discovered in my research that the “funeral home lit” genre is sparse. So I expanded into cinema and here’s what I came up with:
Hmmmm...
2) Today I asked myself the question, "What would I do to be able to travel back and time and be one of Otis Redding’s back up dancers?"
"I would kill a man" was not a good enough answer for me, so I turned to my favorite source of information about the limits of human depravity...the website “What Would You Do to Get With Justin Bieber?” IT HAS BEEN (TRAGICALLY) (AND HILARIOUSLY) DELETED! I guess comments like "I would bake my arm in the oven until it was as crispy as chicken then eat it" was just too much for people.
3) I keep thinking maybe I could use this blog to write enlightening book reviews or share some social commentary but then I realize I just want to be able to tell you all stories like this one, i.e. a recent example of the game of Telephone that is my mind: I once read a review of a “sodomy memoir” (what…that’s not an established genre?) by a former ballerina about how anal sex had taught her to let go and get closer to God. The memoir’s title was Surrender. Later, when I was trying to remember this title to tell someone about it, I remembered that “it was one word, and it had some spiritual double meaning…like, Filled.” WOMP WOMP WOOOOMP.
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